My Brief Foray Into Politics

I was voted in as the student council representative for my class back in grade 7. Sounds more impressive than it actually was; I was sick at home on the day that the person was supposed to be chosen by the class, and so I suspect that I won as some sort of joke played on the keener that actually wanted the job by a class that had little interest in student politics or school spirit. Imagine my surprise to return the next day and find out that I had won the election for something that I hadn't even known about. Never having been voted for anything before, I was like... pretty surprised.

I was a terrible student council rep. The job only involved having to attend meetings every few weeks and then make sure that my fellow classmates were aware of the stupid activities that were perpetually being organized, and I managed to fail spectacularly at these no-brainer responsibilities. It wasn't that I didn't want to do a good job, or that I didn't try, but I was such a space-cadet that I was completely unable to find any of the meetings in question. I had an aptitude for showing up to the wrong room on the wrong day at the wrong time, and then sitting there quietly for half an hour wondering where everybody was. And as for the whole issue of ensuring that my classmates were aware of all the Hawaiian Shirt Days and Hot Dog Lunches, my whole MO back then was to remain as inconspicuous and invisible as possible, so there was little chance that I was ever going to get up in front of all my classmates and feign interest in a bunch of retarded activities that nobody in their right minds cared about.

After I managed to miss the meeting where the student council gave shit to the kids that kept missing meetings, my homeroom teacher got mad and and assigned another kid to be co-rep and "help" with the responsibilities. And that was essentially the beginning of the end of my brief foray into politics.

I don't know why I'm talking about this. I haven't thought about this stuff in years.

Pass The Kleenex

I think that I had a stuffy nose for the entire time that I was in high school. Seriously. The total number of days where I was able to breathe through my nostrils is most likely equal to the total number of girls that I have ever made-out with in the backseat of my parent's station wagon (read: zero). And that's not just a random comparison; I'm thinking that those two things are far more closely related than I ever could have imagined at the time.

It's a tough realization to deal with, but the fact is, I was pretty gross back in high school. Snot, bleedy noses, braces, zits... you name it - take any sort of teenage social handicap that you can think of, and I was most likely afflicted with it to some varying degree. I'm okay with it now, because acceptance is a big step on the road to recovery... or in my case, becoming less gross. The next step is to curb my dependency on lip balm.

I Need To Find A New Grocery Store

I was at the grocery store yesterday and I dropped the hugest jar of pickles onto the floor. It was awful. There was glass and pickles and pickle juice and shit everywhere. It reeked.

I'm ashamed to admit it (FYI, this is one of those brutally-honest type of blogs), but I let out the stupidest little squeal when the jar slipped from my fingers and so the entire store looked over at me just in time to watch the spectacular pickle explosion. I was just standing there empty-handed like an idiot, being all like "Uh, there's something wrong with my pickles."

I'm pretty sure that the pissy 15 year-old with the mop and the attitude called me a "retard" under his breath when he came to clean up the mess (or possibly some sort of variation, like "dick tard"). I need to find a new grocery store.