I resolve for the year of two thousand and nine to start updating this thing again. And to finally realize my dream of making a citizen's arrest.
The fact that I apparently abandoned this blog five months ago is one of my biggest regrets of 2008, and considering my many unfortunate social missteps from the past year, that is really saying something. I honestly can't believe that I haven't updated since July.
Despite the fact that everything I have ever posted here has been kind of dumb, I find the idea of maintaining a blog incredibly compelling. If there is anything that might be of use to me, it is a positive creative outlet to help me deal with the perpetual jumbo-sized frustration that is my life. Two minutes in bed with a naked lady would probably also do wonders, but I work with what I got. And what I got is a blog. A blog that will be updated more in 2009.
Happy New Year.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
The Dark Knight
I have been completely swamped at work lately. I'm beginning to wonder whether the company that I work for is trying to kill me by giving me too much to do and not enough time to sleep or play PSP. If it weren't for the fact that my office is air-conditioned and that being at work keeps me out of that that friggin' summer heat, I'd probably lose it and finally speak my mind to one of those people on the subway that insists on standing in front of the doors. Beware, exit-blocking commuters of Toronto, I could snap at any time...
So to unwind a little and take a break from it all, I went and saw the late showing of The Dark Knight yesterday evening. I had watched my Batman Begins DVD last week to get back in the swing of it all, and was a little alarmed by the fact that the movie didn't seem quite as awesome as I had remembered. Don't get me wrong - it's a great movie - but I couldn't help noticing a few corny lines and Christian Bales' strangely raspy voice with this most recent viewing. In addition, the hype surrounding the new movie is enough to turn anybody off, so I really wasn't sure what to expect.
That said, The Dark Knight was insanely fucking good. I was totally blown away, much like everybody else in the packed theatre, as evidenced by the ovation that erupted when the closing credits rolled. Granted, it was the late show on a Monday, so most of the people there were probably stoned and about 15 years old, but they meant all their clapping and hooting, and I think that kind of response really counts for something.
Anyway, I'm probably going to check it out in IMAX later this week and I can't wait. I just need to make it through the next few days and all the work, work, work, work, work.
So to unwind a little and take a break from it all, I went and saw the late showing of The Dark Knight yesterday evening. I had watched my Batman Begins DVD last week to get back in the swing of it all, and was a little alarmed by the fact that the movie didn't seem quite as awesome as I had remembered. Don't get me wrong - it's a great movie - but I couldn't help noticing a few corny lines and Christian Bales' strangely raspy voice with this most recent viewing. In addition, the hype surrounding the new movie is enough to turn anybody off, so I really wasn't sure what to expect.
That said, The Dark Knight was insanely fucking good. I was totally blown away, much like everybody else in the packed theatre, as evidenced by the ovation that erupted when the closing credits rolled. Granted, it was the late show on a Monday, so most of the people there were probably stoned and about 15 years old, but they meant all their clapping and hooting, and I think that kind of response really counts for something.
Anyway, I'm probably going to check it out in IMAX later this week and I can't wait. I just need to make it through the next few days and all the work, work, work, work, work.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
What I Like About Summer (cont'd)
I should probably point out that I haven't always hated summer - back when I was in middle school, summers were pretty awesome. With both parents at work all day, my time was largely my own to waste as I saw fit. Honestly, it was probably the most freedom I will ever experience in my life.
Over the course of eight weeks, I would slowly adopt a schedule that was completely opposite to that of the regular school year, where I would sleep most of the day away, have breakfast with my parents when they got home for dinner, and then stay up all night downloading pirated software from local BBSs and watching whatever late night movies were on cable TV. Sounds heavenly, doesn't it? If I could do anything with my life, that would probably be it.
I would sometimes go days without seeing the sun or stepping outside or even leaving the basement. And I know how lame that is - honestly, I know it's sad. But the fact that it was invariably the best two months out of the entire year is a testament to just how much of a struggle life can be for a fledgling nerd.
Before there were girls or sweat-stains to complicate things, summer was a time of year that ruled.
Over the course of eight weeks, I would slowly adopt a schedule that was completely opposite to that of the regular school year, where I would sleep most of the day away, have breakfast with my parents when they got home for dinner, and then stay up all night downloading pirated software from local BBSs and watching whatever late night movies were on cable TV. Sounds heavenly, doesn't it? If I could do anything with my life, that would probably be it.
I would sometimes go days without seeing the sun or stepping outside or even leaving the basement. And I know how lame that is - honestly, I know it's sad. But the fact that it was invariably the best two months out of the entire year is a testament to just how much of a struggle life can be for a fledgling nerd.
Before there were girls or sweat-stains to complicate things, summer was a time of year that ruled.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
What I Don't Like About Summer
There are a number of things about summer that make it my least favorite time of year, but my biggest issue is an extension of the fact that it is so damn hot all the time; namely that I sweat like a motherfucker. Some people might read that last sentence and roll their eyes and go, "Everybody sweats... so what?", but those people haven't read that sentence properly - see, I sweat like a motherfucker.
I'm that sad bastard you see on the street who is wheezing and red-faced and ready to pass out, and who is literally leaving a trail of sweat on the sidewalk behind him. While most people would consider sweat-stains to be the damp spots on their shirts under their arms, I have to contend with my entire shirt being dripping wet after about two and a half minutes in the sun. I will leave my apartment in a light blue shirt, only to return in one that looks... navy.
My sweat stains defy any sense of logic. They emanate out from every seam with tendrils that slowly reach across my clothes to become intertwined until there is nothing left but a big virgin in a gross sweaty outfit. Not only do I have huge sweat stains under my pits (that's for amateurs), I get stains that start out around my waist. And stains that drip down from the neck of my shirt. And if I'm wearing my backpack (I'm always wearing my backpack), I immediately get stains under the straps and all down my back. It is seriously disgusting.
When it comes to attracting a female, I've got enough of a handicap without being all gross and sweaty. Making matters worse is that whole issue of girls being so appealing in those sun-dresses that I mentioned last time. So yeah, summer is a little bit of hell.
I'm that sad bastard you see on the street who is wheezing and red-faced and ready to pass out, and who is literally leaving a trail of sweat on the sidewalk behind him. While most people would consider sweat-stains to be the damp spots on their shirts under their arms, I have to contend with my entire shirt being dripping wet after about two and a half minutes in the sun. I will leave my apartment in a light blue shirt, only to return in one that looks... navy.
My sweat stains defy any sense of logic. They emanate out from every seam with tendrils that slowly reach across my clothes to become intertwined until there is nothing left but a big virgin in a gross sweaty outfit. Not only do I have huge sweat stains under my pits (that's for amateurs), I get stains that start out around my waist. And stains that drip down from the neck of my shirt. And if I'm wearing my backpack (I'm always wearing my backpack), I immediately get stains under the straps and all down my back. It is seriously disgusting.
When it comes to attracting a female, I've got enough of a handicap without being all gross and sweaty. Making matters worse is that whole issue of girls being so appealing in those sun-dresses that I mentioned last time. So yeah, summer is a little bit of hell.
Monday, July 14, 2008
What I Like About Summer
Between the fact that the office water-cooler talk seems to revolve completely around stupid stuff like golf these days and the fact that it is hot as crap outside, there is really no denying that summer is is in full effect. And the truth of the matter is, I kind of hate summer.
This is the time of year where it is perpetually hot and gross, and where the sun always getting in my eyes and making me sneeze. This is the time of year that is closely associated with doing things and sports and being outdoors - three things that have always ended poorly for me (seriously, if it weren't for the LCBO and electronics surplus stores, I'd never do anything or ever leave my apartment). But while I might hate summer, I also hate complainers and hypocrites (that's meant to be a joke), and so I figured that I'd try to put a positive spin on everything and talk about what it is that I actually like about this god-forsaken time of year.
And there's really only one thing that I like about summer. Girls in summer dresses. Ironically, it turns out that I like that aspect of the season quite a lot.
This is the time of year where it is perpetually hot and gross, and where the sun always getting in my eyes and making me sneeze. This is the time of year that is closely associated with doing things and sports and being outdoors - three things that have always ended poorly for me (seriously, if it weren't for the LCBO and electronics surplus stores, I'd never do anything or ever leave my apartment). But while I might hate summer, I also hate complainers and hypocrites (that's meant to be a joke), and so I figured that I'd try to put a positive spin on everything and talk about what it is that I actually like about this god-forsaken time of year.
And there's really only one thing that I like about summer. Girls in summer dresses. Ironically, it turns out that I like that aspect of the season quite a lot.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Dogs Have No Need to Be Hauling Around Anything That Can't Be Carried In Their Mouths
On a topic similar to yesterday's post, did you know that there are backpacks for dogs? Check it out:
Man, people are so lazy.
Man, people are so lazy.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
The Contents Of My Backpack
An important part of my "look" is the black backpack that I wear literally everywhere that I go (seriously, I feel naked if I leave my apartment without it). I've owned it for longer than I can remember, and now that I think about it, it's probably more the equivalent of an adult security-blanket than anything else. Since it comes with me everywhere, a coworker asked me yesterday what it is that I feel I need to be carrying around all the time.
So for inventory and posterity, here is a list of all the stuff that can be found in my backpack:
-umbrella
(in case it rains; this is always in there, even in the winter)
-hooded sweatshirt
(in case I need a hoodie; no joke, the same sweater has been in there since the late 90s and has only ever been taken out to be worn or washed)
-book
(currently reading The Amber Spyglass, by Philip Pullman)
-keys to my parent's house
(don't know why I carry these around; they live in another city)
-spare change
(not sure how this ends up in there, but it always does)
-a variety of pens and markers
(half of them don't work)
-a collection of old paystubs
(don't know what to do with these)
-a couple years' worth of old subway passes
(I hold onto them for tax purposes)
-an inflatable love-doll
(not really - just checking to see if you're paying attention)
-random CDRs containing an assortment of MP3s and files
(I never seem to label the discs that I burn, so I have no idea what's on half of these)
-allergy medication
(probably expired)
-lip balm
(don't leave home without it)
-a few USB drives
(more MP3s and files)
-instruction manual for Final Fantasy Crisis Core
(I'm a little surprised to find this in here, actually - I've been looking all over for it)
-big old earmuff-type headphones
(they look retarded, but they've got good sound)
-what appears to be a number of old receipts
(the writing is faded, so I don't know what they are for)
-several half-empty packs of gum
(these are really, really old; don't ever ask me for gum)
-a sock
(I hope it's mine, I don't recognize it)
...the irony of course being that now that I have emptied all this junk onto my desk there is no way that I'm going to be able to cram it all back in.
So for inventory and posterity, here is a list of all the stuff that can be found in my backpack:
-umbrella
(in case it rains; this is always in there, even in the winter)
-hooded sweatshirt
(in case I need a hoodie; no joke, the same sweater has been in there since the late 90s and has only ever been taken out to be worn or washed)
-book
(currently reading The Amber Spyglass, by Philip Pullman)
-keys to my parent's house
(don't know why I carry these around; they live in another city)
-spare change
(not sure how this ends up in there, but it always does)
-a variety of pens and markers
(half of them don't work)
-a collection of old paystubs
(don't know what to do with these)
-a couple years' worth of old subway passes
(I hold onto them for tax purposes)
-an inflatable love-doll
(not really - just checking to see if you're paying attention)
-random CDRs containing an assortment of MP3s and files
(I never seem to label the discs that I burn, so I have no idea what's on half of these)
-allergy medication
(probably expired)
-lip balm
(don't leave home without it)
-a few USB drives
(more MP3s and files)
-instruction manual for Final Fantasy Crisis Core
(I'm a little surprised to find this in here, actually - I've been looking all over for it)
-big old earmuff-type headphones
(they look retarded, but they've got good sound)
-what appears to be a number of old receipts
(the writing is faded, so I don't know what they are for)
-several half-empty packs of gum
(these are really, really old; don't ever ask me for gum)
-a sock
(I hope it's mine, I don't recognize it)
...the irony of course being that now that I have emptied all this junk onto my desk there is no way that I'm going to be able to cram it all back in.
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