The Contents Of My Backpack

An important part of my "look" is the black backpack that I wear literally everywhere that I go (seriously, I feel naked if I leave my apartment without it). I've owned it for longer than I can remember, and now that I think about it, it's probably more the equivalent of an adult security-blanket than anything else. Since it comes with me everywhere, a coworker asked me yesterday what it is that I feel I need to be carrying around all the time.

So for inventory and posterity, here is a list of all the stuff that can be found in my backpack:

-umbrella
(in case it rains; this is always in there, even in the winter)

-hooded sweatshirt
(in case I need a hoodie; no joke, the same sweater has been in there since the late 90s and has only ever been taken out to be worn or washed)

-book
(currently reading The Amber Spyglass, by Philip Pullman)

-keys to my parent's house
(don't know why I carry these around; they live in another city)

-spare change
(not sure how this ends up in there, but it always does)

-a variety of pens and markers
(half of them don't work)

-a collection of old paystubs
(don't know what to do with these)

-a couple years' worth of old subway passes
(I hold onto them for tax purposes)

-an inflatable love-doll
(not really - just checking to see if you're paying attention)

-random CDRs containing an assortment of MP3s and files
(I never seem to label the discs that I burn, so I have no idea what's on half of these)

-allergy medication
(probably expired)

-lip balm
(don't leave home without it)

-a few USB drives
(more MP3s and files)

-instruction manual for Final Fantasy Crisis Core
(I'm a little surprised to find this in here, actually - I've been looking all over for it)

-big old earmuff-type headphones
(they look retarded, but they've got good sound)

-what appears to be a number of old receipts
(the writing is faded, so I don't know what they are for)

-several half-empty packs of gum
(these are really, really old; don't ever ask me for gum)

-a sock
(I hope it's mine, I don't recognize it)

...the irony of course being that now that I have emptied all this junk onto my desk there is no way that I'm going to be able to cram it all back in.